October 9,2005

Death is a certainty: a question of when

What is the difference between a person who has a terminal disease and the one who does not have and yet both of them will meet death eventually almost at the same time? Or the latter may die even earlier? What is the difference between someone lying on a cancer bed and the one who dies in a plane crash, or those who die in hurricane Katrina or in a landslide, or in a recent bombing in Bali Indonesia? These questions were thrown to me lately. Is it better to know or not know? Which is preferable?

The answer is highly debatable. You are giving your own answer right now, even as you read this article.
There is a big difference. A person whose days are numbered and he knew it may profit immensely from knowing that his time is limited. But his response may depend on what he is ma de of. Others refuse to face the truth. I used to feel that way. Before my diagnosis, I knew that there was something wrong with my body even without any outward manifestations. The hardest thing was to face it, and submit myself to a specialist. I courted the possibilities of running away, no surgery, no chemotherapy, no hassles, just die in an obscure place, not giving any hard time to people I love. I used to see movies of that sort, and I used to think that was very romantic. But when it became a reality to me, it wasn’t romantic at all.
God had other plans.
When the final verdict came, and I saw it all in print, little red dots on white paper, which showed how extensive the tumors were in both breasts, based on an ultrasound, my whole being turned to God. The impact was too great that I realized that no one, not even those who love me could carry my burden for me even if they would want to. I had nothing except God. Only through total acceptance of my predicament and submission to my Creator brought me peace that surpassed all understanding. For the past eight months, I had to go through everything from surgery to chemotherapy, with the assurance that God would be there, every inch of the way. He used people to help and minister to me. Someone wrote, “Faith is daring the soul to go beyond the eyes can see.” The bible says that “…faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”
In some instances, my oncologist would call my husband and talked to him privately about my situation. I had insisted to know everything. Knowing the truth gave me specific things to ask God for. Truth could hurt, but knowing my enemy which is cancer gives me weapon to fight.
When we come to think of it, life is but a small dot and the rest is eternity. Have we asked ourselves, after that dot what happens? We re-evaluate our existence. Why are we here? Do we have a purpose? What is the purpose of our brain which can store 100 trillion facts and our minds which can handle 15,000 decisions a second? Did God equip us with all these abilities only to enrich ourselves or amass power, positions, fame or knowledge? Which is more important in life, money or relationships? Are we here to worship money? Or God? Wealth is a blessing, only when it is shared for the purpose of pleasing the ultimate Giver.
When God gives us comfort, it is not because he wants us to become comfortable, but to comport others.
Even painful experiences can be used to help others. How many of us have felt pain? It may vary in a certain degree and certain types, but pain is pain. Whether it is emotional, financial, physical, psychological or spiritual. But pain should not be wasted. Aldus Huxley said, “Experience is not what you do with what happens to you.” Only you who have undergone a certain type of pain could understand the person who is in the same situation. It is only you, who have felt the same way could reach out and comfort others like you.
There is a world of difference between a person who knows that his days are counted and realize his priorities in life and those who have taken it for granted and caught in a surprise ending. Pain or prolonged pain won’t matter anymore when life draws its final curtain. Shall we wait when trials knock at our doors to see the diffence?